Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
