I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Help me help you realize you are a moron
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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