CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
