Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize
