Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Randomize
