There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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