So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
