Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
