guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
