No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
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