i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
