I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
