just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
