; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
