Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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