I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
