There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
