I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
