Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.