Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.