Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
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this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
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The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?