what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
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sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
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Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar