Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?