I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
