Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
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Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
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i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"