i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I just gift wrapped bread.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
