She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
