Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
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