Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
please don't ironically join a cult
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