don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
