dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
