I am puke
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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