were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
