Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I'm both gender and math confused
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
