Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
