I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
