Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
