i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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