The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize