Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
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