ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Randomize
