He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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