i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
