Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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