to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
