...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
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I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
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Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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