I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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