I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
