dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
