Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
