her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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