how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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