you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Randomize
