If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Randomize
