I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
