I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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