So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Just pee around me
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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