i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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