this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
