Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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