You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
