is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
