i just wanna soil my oats bro
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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