Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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