My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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