Your mouth is God's brothel.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
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