I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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