I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
