Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
