My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
