Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Randomize
