Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
