i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
