I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
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