no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
