It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
