I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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