ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
