Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Randomize
