I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
