we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
