my phone needs a breathalizer
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
