He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
be right there i have to get my cape
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
