I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
