my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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