we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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