don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
