I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
