i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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