that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
