Heybabeimwearingurpanties
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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