Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
